“What does this mean for me?”
As your first day back at work approaches, you will probably begin to
hear family members’ concerns about the impending changes at home. The
time you have spent away from work running a household and/or acting as
the go-to parent has likely been very helpful and convenient to those
around you. While they are excited for you and the increased family
income, they are likely wondering what this means for them.
Since the uncertainty and fear that comes with any change is 100%
normal, try not to be surprised if resistance arises. Actually, please
expect it. That way you will not make it “wrong” or “bad”. Instead I
suggest you view it as a gift: resistance clarifies what people are
concerned about losing (i.e. what’s important to them) and creates an
opening for constructive dialogue. My overarching piece of advice is to
approach your return to work together as a team. Get everyone involved
in making this transition smooth, fun and exciting!
- Start by discussing your hopes and concerns. Share
why returning to work is important to you as well as what worries you.
And then ask the same of your family members. Begin with your spouse,
but later involve children on a level that is age-appropriate for them.
Try using this very simple visioning exercise: “If we could wave a magic
wand and 1 year from now my relaunch was going really well, what would
that look like for you?” This acknowledges the changes others will
experience and your desire to find solutions that work for everyone as
much as possible.
- Get into preparation mode – together. The
visioning exercise should have helped clarify priorities. As a next
step, you can agree together what will change and what will stay the
same. For this, I like the “Start-Stop-Continue” exercise. For instance,
your list might start with:
- START meal planning on Sundays and helping kids be more
independent with certain tasks. This bucket also captures the
introduction of new family traditions such as a Saturday morning date
with a different child each week.
- STOP doing low-value tasks that can be delegated to others in the
household or outsourced entirely. I’m picturing things like cleaning and
errands, as well as certain volunteer work you chose to let go of.
- CONTINUE reading at night with the kids and exercising a few times
a week. This category highlights what will not change, since
consistency during transition is reassuring and grounding.
If some of the things you STOP doing are items
that family members will START doing, make sure to offer lots of praise
as they take on new responsibilities. While others might prefer for you
keep doing everything, this is a chance for them to build confidence and
self-efficacy.
- Remember to have frequent check ins. How are we
doing compared to that magic wand vision? What tweaks do we need to
make? What have been the pleasant surprises we didn’t anticipate?
Nothing needs to be set in stone, as this will be a work-in-progress for
all.
And on your family’s journey to the “new normal”, make sure to
celebrate the little accomplishments along the way. Now’s a great time
to let go of perfectionism and be patient with yourself and others.
Before you know it, together you will have mastered this transition,
just like other things you have accomplished before.
